The first time I saw the doctor, he asked me to take a lot of blood tests to check my blood for any kind of wackiness like Diabetes or Thyroid problems. We also found out I have high blood pressure, and decided that the gastric-bypass surgery is a good solution for my weight crisis. We decided to do a litany of tests to put together a case to provide to my insurance company, in the hopes of getting them to approve my surgery.
So, how'd things go last week, when I checked in with my doctor again?
Great, actually! ^_^ I'd lost -a- pound, though I really didn't do much to aid that along. My blood pressure lowered but is still really high. Apparently my blood tests came back just fine, so I don't have any crazy conditions (no additional ones, anyway). Unbeknownst to me, it was a full on physical check-up, so lucky me got the very, very unexpected cup-and-cough check, which is always a pleasure. -_- Other than that, though, we're still -well- on the way to making this surgery a reality.
Next on the checklist is getting a sleep test done to prove that I have sleep apnea. Anyone who's been in the same house with me while I've slept will know that this will not be hard to prove at all. With luck, they can get me a machine to use while I sleep; I hate the idea of freaking out/waking up my roomies or neighbors, and it's made the thought of sleeping over at friend's houses outright terrifying.
Thing is, I got a letter in the mail last week saying that my doctor's no longer with that practice. =/ I don't know what that means for me and my situation, but hopefully I can just continue on where we left off with a quick phone call. Somewhere between all the gaming I've been doing, I intend to figure this all out. ^_^
Monday, September 26, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Off to see the wizard...
I went to the doctor today, having not gone to see one in about... 2-3 years. Here's how it went.
I get weighed by the nurse lady and I'm at 479 pounds. Last time I'd weighed myself I was 449 (see below), so this came as a bit of a shock; I know I'd stopped trying, but I didn't think I'd gotten THAT big. I'm the biggest now than I've ever been, which was freaky. She took my blood pressure (97/160) and the nurse seemed startled she asked me if I was lightheaded, or needed some water. Embarrassing. -_- Declinign politely, she took me to the room where I waited for a bit.
Dr. Huang Trinh is an awesome guy. Very personable, charismatic, understanding and positive. He knows how to drop bad news without making you feel like a shit, and with every bit of bad news he told me he matched it with a positive note and a clear and definite way out. Also, he kinda looks like a darker Donnie Yen, which is good, since Ip Man is the bomb.
After a quick meet and greet, I went straight to it, cutting to the bone: I wanted to lose weight and wanted to talk about options. He suggested the surgery, the same surgery that worked so extremely well for my cousin and my aunt, and I perked up; it was what I was hoping for, but had trouble outright saying.
For some reason I had this negative outlook on any type of weight loss surgery, like they were extremely hard to get, doctors hated them and they were looked down upon. Dr. Trinh responded extremely positively to my willingness to commit to the procedure, and said he had about 10 patients in the last few years who all got the surgery and have had nothing but positive results. He explained the process a small bit (four quick incisions, everything's done very easily) and then explained the road to getting there:
Apparently, the biggest issue with operations like this are with Insurance companies. Since I have an HMO, they may be reluctant to pay for the surgery. He told me he had to make a case for me and kind of plead it to them, to prove that I need this surgery. The process includes a lot of tests, bloodwork, sleep studies, and other types of examinations to see my physical status. I'm really psyched to do it all, to be honest; I've been planning/hoping for this for a long time, and now it's finally happening!
I know the surgery isn't some magical procedure that'll suddenly make me skinny. It can, however, be an amazing help in my recovery and help me down to the healthy weight I should be. I'm stoked.
So, he put me on some medicine for my high blood pressure (a once-a-day pill to take in the morning), gave me a list of places I can get my labwork done (in about 1-2 weeks, he said), put in the order for a sleep study (which he told me is like a hotel room where they connect diodes to me and watch me sleep lolsleepfarts) and scheduled a followup with em in 3 weeks. He said something that kinda blew my mind: the process might not take as long as I'm expecting.
Fingers crossed!
Anyways, to help the process along, I've decided to start working on my diet. No more soda, no more fast food and no more unnecessary sweets. I'ma fill the house with healthy stuff to snack on. Also, I'ma start figuring out an easy, doable exercise plan to get my body used to the idea of having to move more often.
480 pounds no longer!
I'ma start taking pictures, too. I wanna be a gif on Reddit one day.
I get weighed by the nurse lady and I'm at 479 pounds. Last time I'd weighed myself I was 449 (see below), so this came as a bit of a shock; I know I'd stopped trying, but I didn't think I'd gotten THAT big. I'm the biggest now than I've ever been, which was freaky. She took my blood pressure (97/160) and the nurse seemed startled she asked me if I was lightheaded, or needed some water. Embarrassing. -_- Declinign politely, she took me to the room where I waited for a bit.
Dr. Huang Trinh is an awesome guy. Very personable, charismatic, understanding and positive. He knows how to drop bad news without making you feel like a shit, and with every bit of bad news he told me he matched it with a positive note and a clear and definite way out. Also, he kinda looks like a darker Donnie Yen, which is good, since Ip Man is the bomb.
After a quick meet and greet, I went straight to it, cutting to the bone: I wanted to lose weight and wanted to talk about options. He suggested the surgery, the same surgery that worked so extremely well for my cousin and my aunt, and I perked up; it was what I was hoping for, but had trouble outright saying.
For some reason I had this negative outlook on any type of weight loss surgery, like they were extremely hard to get, doctors hated them and they were looked down upon. Dr. Trinh responded extremely positively to my willingness to commit to the procedure, and said he had about 10 patients in the last few years who all got the surgery and have had nothing but positive results. He explained the process a small bit (four quick incisions, everything's done very easily) and then explained the road to getting there:
Apparently, the biggest issue with operations like this are with Insurance companies. Since I have an HMO, they may be reluctant to pay for the surgery. He told me he had to make a case for me and kind of plead it to them, to prove that I need this surgery. The process includes a lot of tests, bloodwork, sleep studies, and other types of examinations to see my physical status. I'm really psyched to do it all, to be honest; I've been planning/hoping for this for a long time, and now it's finally happening!
I know the surgery isn't some magical procedure that'll suddenly make me skinny. It can, however, be an amazing help in my recovery and help me down to the healthy weight I should be. I'm stoked.
So, he put me on some medicine for my high blood pressure (a once-a-day pill to take in the morning), gave me a list of places I can get my labwork done (in about 1-2 weeks, he said), put in the order for a sleep study (which he told me is like a hotel room where they connect diodes to me and watch me sleep lolsleepfarts) and scheduled a followup with em in 3 weeks. He said something that kinda blew my mind: the process might not take as long as I'm expecting.
Fingers crossed!
Anyways, to help the process along, I've decided to start working on my diet. No more soda, no more fast food and no more unnecessary sweets. I'ma fill the house with healthy stuff to snack on. Also, I'ma start figuring out an easy, doable exercise plan to get my body used to the idea of having to move more often.
480 pounds no longer!
I'ma start taking pictures, too. I wanna be a gif on Reddit one day.
Once more into the breach.
I kind of gave up a while back. ^_^* Ironically enough, it was right around the time my friends from Pogo started a weight loss challenge that I kind of said "fuck it" and forgot all about losing weight. I don't know why, but I kind of just... stopped.
This, of course, was a huge mistake. I'm at the size now where if I don't do something about it, I will die. I learned this the hard way a few weeks ago.
I was in the shower just doing my thing (no, not like that you jerks) when I suddenly feel my heart start to pound. It was racing like I was being chased, and when I put my hand on my chest I could actually feel it hammering. It really freaked me out, as it wouldn't stop and I started freaking out. I was planning what would happen with Archer, how my funeral would go, everything. I haven't felt religious in a long time, but I started praying, though it was more apologizing and confessing than anything. I was standing there, trying to make peace with the thought of dying in the shower.
I didn't die. My heart just stopped pumping so furiously, like an old washing machine switching cycles. I literally felt the *KA-CHUG* of it suddenly stopping, beating like normal as if nothing happened.
This was just a few days before Disneyland. I'd put together a huge family thing wherein all of my cousins come with Archer and I to Disneyland. Well, we went, and the night before I told my cousins what happened (a shorter version, anyway) and asked if they could take Archer on the rides with them, since I wouldn't be going on any of them. Not only was I too big to fit, most likely, but I was afraid of my heart freaking out again. They agreed.
Though I had lots of fun in Disneyland, it was still a huge disappointment to not be able to ride anything with my son. When my cousins all wanted to ride the more adult rides, someone had to stay off with him since I was too tired to follow my cousins around. I spent the entire day as a fat lump who did mostly nothing in the Happiest Place On Earth. I did my best to hide it, but I felt miserable with myself.
I got back home and scheduled a meeting with a doctor. Enough is enough, I thought to myself. Next year, Disneyland will be awesome, I'm going to rock out and look like a badass at Cathy's wedding, and I'm going to be the dad Archer wants; someone who can run around with him, ride on rides and actually take him places that don't involve a game controller.
I'd been stupidly waiting for a warning, and nwo that my body smacked me upside the head, I'm finally listening.
This, of course, was a huge mistake. I'm at the size now where if I don't do something about it, I will die. I learned this the hard way a few weeks ago.
I was in the shower just doing my thing (no, not like that you jerks) when I suddenly feel my heart start to pound. It was racing like I was being chased, and when I put my hand on my chest I could actually feel it hammering. It really freaked me out, as it wouldn't stop and I started freaking out. I was planning what would happen with Archer, how my funeral would go, everything. I haven't felt religious in a long time, but I started praying, though it was more apologizing and confessing than anything. I was standing there, trying to make peace with the thought of dying in the shower.
I didn't die. My heart just stopped pumping so furiously, like an old washing machine switching cycles. I literally felt the *KA-CHUG* of it suddenly stopping, beating like normal as if nothing happened.
This was just a few days before Disneyland. I'd put together a huge family thing wherein all of my cousins come with Archer and I to Disneyland. Well, we went, and the night before I told my cousins what happened (a shorter version, anyway) and asked if they could take Archer on the rides with them, since I wouldn't be going on any of them. Not only was I too big to fit, most likely, but I was afraid of my heart freaking out again. They agreed.
Though I had lots of fun in Disneyland, it was still a huge disappointment to not be able to ride anything with my son. When my cousins all wanted to ride the more adult rides, someone had to stay off with him since I was too tired to follow my cousins around. I spent the entire day as a fat lump who did mostly nothing in the Happiest Place On Earth. I did my best to hide it, but I felt miserable with myself.
I got back home and scheduled a meeting with a doctor. Enough is enough, I thought to myself. Next year, Disneyland will be awesome, I'm going to rock out and look like a badass at Cathy's wedding, and I'm going to be the dad Archer wants; someone who can run around with him, ride on rides and actually take him places that don't involve a game controller.
I'd been stupidly waiting for a warning, and nwo that my body smacked me upside the head, I'm finally listening.
TL;DR
Assuming my next post is going to get long, I'll put the bullet points here:
- After a nasty heart attack/heart palpitations care, I went to the doctor today to begin talks about weight loss and surgery.
- Discovered I weigh the heaviest I've ever weighed at a whopping (and scary) 479 pounds. My blood pressure is 97/160.
- Dr. prescribed me a diuretic for my blood pressure, a bunch of lab tests and sleep study. He's doing this to build a case for my HMO to get my weight loss surgery.
- Going to the lab next week, seeing the doc for a followup in three weeks and starting my diuretic tomorrow. Doc'll call me about when the sleep study will be.
- Also gonna cut soda and any place with a drive-thru window out of my diet.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Well, this was fun.
Hey y'all
I know it's been a while since I last posted. The struggle with weight is ever-going, but I've found myself in a bit of a problem; I'm embarrassed about posting and would rather keep my thoughts private. I started off with so much hype about this but feel like now it's better to just internalize and keep stuff to myself, as this is becoming a very personal, intimate journey.
Thanks for reading and for all of the support, and sorry this is coming to such an abrupt end. I've nothing but love for yall. ^_^
I know it's been a while since I last posted. The struggle with weight is ever-going, but I've found myself in a bit of a problem; I'm embarrassed about posting and would rather keep my thoughts private. I started off with so much hype about this but feel like now it's better to just internalize and keep stuff to myself, as this is becoming a very personal, intimate journey.
Thanks for reading and for all of the support, and sorry this is coming to such an abrupt end. I've nothing but love for yall. ^_^
Monday, May 9, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Four Hundred and Fifty Five.
455.
With some clever engineering (read: being inspired by a picture of someone riding dolphins), I discovered I could get a fairly accurate weight reading by using two scales at once.
Yep, that's where I am right now. Two scales.
But, self loathing aside, I've finally a number to start at. It's higher than I had hoped but not as high as I'd feared, so there's that. Some friends and I have started a Weight Loss Challenge at work, wherein we weigh ourselves and measure our heights, then see who can lose the most based off of BMI percentage loss (or something). It's $20 each and while the prize is enticing, the inspiration is what I'm really after.
I've been lying and telling people I've been doing two shake meals a day and oen regular meal, when really I've just been doing three normal meals and maybe the occasional shake when I'm feeling particularly guilty. Furthermore, I haven't gone about finding a doctor yet; a roadblock in contact Blue Shield (essentially, laziness) has got me procrastinating on that.
If that weren't enough, Archer's coming out here in the end of July and he'll be here through August, and I plan on doing an all-family trip to Disneyland. I realize that it's too late now to lose a tremendous amount of weight before then, but I -can- build up my momentum and personal energy levels so that I can make it through a day bustling about Disneyland without getting tired.
And, you know, the whole I'll-die-soon-if-I-keep-this-up kind of thing's kind of a push, too.
I'm back on the shakes now and have every intention to stay this way. I've done it before and I can/will do it again. There's no reason not to, other than me holding myself back. Putting an actual number on it, and realizing deadlines is making these golden intentions into dire deadlines, though, and that works.
The first step is a doctor. I need to get this done the right way, I need to get measured and tested, and I need to see what my options for.
455. It's not the best, but it's a start, and that's all I've really needed.
With some clever engineering (read: being inspired by a picture of someone riding dolphins), I discovered I could get a fairly accurate weight reading by using two scales at once.
Yep, that's where I am right now. Two scales.
But, self loathing aside, I've finally a number to start at. It's higher than I had hoped but not as high as I'd feared, so there's that. Some friends and I have started a Weight Loss Challenge at work, wherein we weigh ourselves and measure our heights, then see who can lose the most based off of BMI percentage loss (or something). It's $20 each and while the prize is enticing, the inspiration is what I'm really after.
I've been lying and telling people I've been doing two shake meals a day and oen regular meal, when really I've just been doing three normal meals and maybe the occasional shake when I'm feeling particularly guilty. Furthermore, I haven't gone about finding a doctor yet; a roadblock in contact Blue Shield (essentially, laziness) has got me procrastinating on that.
If that weren't enough, Archer's coming out here in the end of July and he'll be here through August, and I plan on doing an all-family trip to Disneyland. I realize that it's too late now to lose a tremendous amount of weight before then, but I -can- build up my momentum and personal energy levels so that I can make it through a day bustling about Disneyland without getting tired.
And, you know, the whole I'll-die-soon-if-I-keep-this-up kind of thing's kind of a push, too.
I'm back on the shakes now and have every intention to stay this way. I've done it before and I can/will do it again. There's no reason not to, other than me holding myself back. Putting an actual number on it, and realizing deadlines is making these golden intentions into dire deadlines, though, and that works.
The first step is a doctor. I need to get this done the right way, I need to get measured and tested, and I need to see what my options for.
455. It's not the best, but it's a start, and that's all I've really needed.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
What (Who) It's All About
I went to see Archer this weekend, a quick surprise visit to see this play he was in. Spending time with my son is the absolute best; he's awesome, he thinks I'm as awesome as I do and he's hilarious. Beyond that, I see in him the person he is, the person he's becoming, and the man he will one day turn into. It's amazing, knowing that this beauty, this reckless thirst for life and knowledge, this boundless ball of energy and ambition... all came from my balls.
Seeing my son has given me a renewed dedication for this diet. Spending time with him and seeing his endless energy reminds me of why I'm losing the weight: not just for my own life, but to make sure that I'm there through the greater portion of his.
Starting now, I'm going on the diet fullforce. No more cheats, no more meals with friends. I can go to restaurants and bring a shake and, while it'll be weird at first, we'll get used to it. No more "special occasion" meals and no more cheating.
Furthermore, I'm going to pursue seeing a doctor about this weightloss. I did some research (read: lazily watched some documentaries) and realized that I really don't know enough about this to do it on my own. I'm going to see what the suggested way of losing the most weight is... and I won't lie, I'm kind of hoping it involves the surgery. I've two family members who went and got it, and it worked wonders for them.
Fingers crossed. ^_^
Seeing my son has given me a renewed dedication for this diet. Spending time with him and seeing his endless energy reminds me of why I'm losing the weight: not just for my own life, but to make sure that I'm there through the greater portion of his.
Starting now, I'm going on the diet fullforce. No more cheats, no more meals with friends. I can go to restaurants and bring a shake and, while it'll be weird at first, we'll get used to it. No more "special occasion" meals and no more cheating.
Furthermore, I'm going to pursue seeing a doctor about this weightloss. I did some research (read: lazily watched some documentaries) and realized that I really don't know enough about this to do it on my own. I'm going to see what the suggested way of losing the most weight is... and I won't lie, I'm kind of hoping it involves the surgery. I've two family members who went and got it, and it worked wonders for them.
Fingers crossed. ^_^
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Stay on target.... stay on target...!
Today seems to be the first day so far (knock on wood) since starting the diet that I'm sticking to it 100%! I've been doing the shakes regularly and pretty steady, doing all shakes all day (and occasionally doing mostly shakes and one light meal) but I've yet to drink as much water as I need. I forget all of the specifics, but long-story-short water's super important, even more important than the shakes themselves and blahblahblah.
Anyway, I'm finally sticking to the plan for the most part, and I did it by forming a schedule to stick to. The plan, to reiterate, is to drink a gallon of water (I've been doing this by drinking four 33.8 Fl Oz. Smartwater bottles each day) every day and to replace all of my emals with shakes, drinking a total of 10 packets worth (100 calories). The schedule goes as thus:
The jeepney rolls on its own if you roll it back. :D
Anyway, I'm finally sticking to the plan for the most part, and I did it by forming a schedule to stick to. The plan, to reiterate, is to drink a gallon of water (I've been doing this by drinking four 33.8 Fl Oz. Smartwater bottles each day) every day and to replace all of my emals with shakes, drinking a total of 10 packets worth (100 calories). The schedule goes as thus:
The jeepney rolls on its own if you roll it back. :D
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
ERR
Warning: This post is every bit as sad as it his hilarious, and every bit as embarrassing as it is depressing.
I'm staring at this stupid board of plastic and circuitry, blankly drilling my eyes into the bright blue LED screen where it's supposed to display my weight.
Supposed to.
Last time I started this diet, I was around 430 lbs and was able to get down to about 320 or so. 110 pounds of loss is pretty good, but it wasn't enough. When what happened happened and I began the all-too-quick climb back up in weight, I figured I'd stop roughly somewhere around the place I was when I started.
So, when I find myself standing on this brand new scale I bought, a scale that goes up to 440 lbs, I expect it to be more than able to tell me my weight.
But when I stare down at this stupid machine, hollow eyes reading the display again and again, I don't see numbers but letters.
ERR
I officially weigh more than 440 lbs, and that is equal parts terrifying and mortifying.
This should really inspire me to diet all the harder to lose weight all the faster, so I can proudly stand on that scale and declare loudly in my kitchen, "FUCK YOU, SCALE!"
But I'd be lying if I said it doesn't really bum me out.
Still, I always knew this would be a long and arduous journey. Now, it's just a little bit longer and a little but more arduous.
Sigh.
I'm staring at this stupid board of plastic and circuitry, blankly drilling my eyes into the bright blue LED screen where it's supposed to display my weight.
Supposed to.
Last time I started this diet, I was around 430 lbs and was able to get down to about 320 or so. 110 pounds of loss is pretty good, but it wasn't enough. When what happened happened and I began the all-too-quick climb back up in weight, I figured I'd stop roughly somewhere around the place I was when I started.
So, when I find myself standing on this brand new scale I bought, a scale that goes up to 440 lbs, I expect it to be more than able to tell me my weight.
But when I stare down at this stupid machine, hollow eyes reading the display again and again, I don't see numbers but letters.
ERR
I officially weigh more than 440 lbs, and that is equal parts terrifying and mortifying.
This should really inspire me to diet all the harder to lose weight all the faster, so I can proudly stand on that scale and declare loudly in my kitchen, "FUCK YOU, SCALE!"
But I'd be lying if I said it doesn't really bum me out.
Still, I always knew this would be a long and arduous journey. Now, it's just a little bit longer and a little but more arduous.
Sigh.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Numbers Game
I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of my scale.
A friend of mine complimented me (giving the close-buddy mandatory "no homo" prefix, of course), stating "I know it's too early to say anything and you just started, but you look a little slimmer, dude. It's noticeable."
He's probably just saying that for motivation, which I endlessly appreciate, and... well, it worked. XD It probably wouldn't help as much if I hadn't noticed that I can tighten my belt an extra notch since yesterday.
Am I just pulling harder?
Do I just feel better?
Was he just saying that?
Who cares. XD I feel good, and that's what matters.
A friend of mine complimented me (giving the close-buddy mandatory "no homo" prefix, of course), stating "I know it's too early to say anything and you just started, but you look a little slimmer, dude. It's noticeable."
He's probably just saying that for motivation, which I endlessly appreciate, and... well, it worked. XD It probably wouldn't help as much if I hadn't noticed that I can tighten my belt an extra notch since yesterday.
Am I just pulling harder?
Do I just feel better?
Was he just saying that?
Who cares. XD I feel good, and that's what matters.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I just ordered a scale!
Finally, a way to quantify my success in this diet. XD I ordered a scale off of Amazon and look forward to finally seeing numerical proof that I'm chugging these shakes for a reason.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Game Genie
So, let's talk cheats.
Let me preface this by saying that I've yet to resort to any of these.
So, a cheat on this whole ketosis shake diet thing is something that I can eat that won't adversely effect my diet in an horribly noticeable way. Usually, they're high in sodium, which means more water retention, but are otherwise all water/nothing, so I can safely replace a shake with them.
Below is a list of things that I can eat/drink on my diet without effing things up too much:
1) Pickles (and, thus, cucumbers, but really, who eats just cucumbers)
2) Diet Soda (my old dietitian once told me that Fresca will save the world one day)
3) Popcorn (unbuttered, obviously)
4) Sugar-free gum (because sometimes those shakes can make your breath kick like Jet Li)
Unfortunately, I don't really like any of those things. ^_^
Happy Monday!
Let me preface this by saying that I've yet to resort to any of these.
So, a cheat on this whole ketosis shake diet thing is something that I can eat that won't adversely effect my diet in an horribly noticeable way. Usually, they're high in sodium, which means more water retention, but are otherwise all water/nothing, so I can safely replace a shake with them.
Below is a list of things that I can eat/drink on my diet without effing things up too much:
1) Pickles (and, thus, cucumbers, but really, who eats just cucumbers)
2) Diet Soda (my old dietitian once told me that Fresca will save the world one day)
3) Popcorn (unbuttered, obviously)
4) Sugar-free gum (because sometimes those shakes can make your breath kick like Jet Li)
Unfortunately, I don't really like any of those things. ^_^
Happy Monday!
And Then There Was...
So, this diet's hard.
I mean, I knew that going in, but I forgot how hard it is getting over that hump where delicious aromas tantalize and friendly outings seduce. It's been difficult to stay vigilant, which I guess is to be expected in the first month, but... God damnit.
Let's see... I left off on the third, right?
3/3/2011
With only two meals left for the month, I chugged away on shakes. Around lunch time, my manager comes aorund asking us what kind of meat we want.
How does -anyone- turn down that question?
He got a promotion and bought everyone lunch to make the announcement. Gorilla Barbecue was well worth the meal ticket, though I was down to just one meal left and 27 days left in the month. Things weren't faring well for our hero...
3/4/2011
I manage to keep to shakes the whole day, though I'm still struggling with keeping the water down. Still, I know it'll be a while until I reach full-on Ketosis, and I've my third (and final?) meal planned the following day.
3/5/2011
I wake up early on a Saturday to help a friend move, after a day where in I fasted down to 1000 calories. Fun stuff, right?
So, we're lugging (though, admittedly, I'm not doing as much work as my much fitter friends) and when we wind down for a break, they order pizza and soda.
I'm sweatlogged, exhausted... so what better way to replenish my body than with greasy pizza, right? I say fuckit, and grab a slice.
Not that I'm not infinitely grateful, but... damn. No more meals. Worse, this was pure impulse. I was tired, I felt entitled to a reward and I just grabbed pizza and soda. The feeling of grease settling into my solids-starved stomach went well with the guilt.
That night, we go to Gordon Biersch. This was the meal I had actually planned and, well, I had it. Lobster and Shrimp tacos, in fact. They were delicious, the company was great, and the time was well spent. Happy birthday, Adam!
But as I drove home (not really, there was one more party after that but I didn't consume anything), I realized I was four meals in on my 3-meal-month.
3/6/2011
Workday, despite it being a Sunday. Thanks to the fact that I was mostly stationary and on my own save for one coworker, I was able to stick to 100% shakes.
3/7/2011
Here we are, and I'm doing well on just the shakes so far. Still struggling with the water, but I'm doing better.
The real problem is, I know there are more major events this month and that I'm going to want to eat at them... hell, I -am- going to eat at them.
On one hand, a single cheeseburger can really derail a whole week of fasting.
On the other, so could a whole week of cheeseburgers.
I'm in my first month, and the transition is hard. The way I see it, though, so long as I can do most of these meals, stick to my exercise regimen (which starts tomorrow!) and replace 90+% of my meals, I'm doing good.
Ish.
Right?
I mean, I knew that going in, but I forgot how hard it is getting over that hump where delicious aromas tantalize and friendly outings seduce. It's been difficult to stay vigilant, which I guess is to be expected in the first month, but... God damnit.
Let's see... I left off on the third, right?
3/3/2011
With only two meals left for the month, I chugged away on shakes. Around lunch time, my manager comes aorund asking us what kind of meat we want.
How does -anyone- turn down that question?
He got a promotion and bought everyone lunch to make the announcement. Gorilla Barbecue was well worth the meal ticket, though I was down to just one meal left and 27 days left in the month. Things weren't faring well for our hero...
3/4/2011
I manage to keep to shakes the whole day, though I'm still struggling with keeping the water down. Still, I know it'll be a while until I reach full-on Ketosis, and I've my third (and final?) meal planned the following day.
3/5/2011
I wake up early on a Saturday to help a friend move, after a day where in I fasted down to 1000 calories. Fun stuff, right?
So, we're lugging (though, admittedly, I'm not doing as much work as my much fitter friends) and when we wind down for a break, they order pizza and soda.
I'm sweatlogged, exhausted... so what better way to replenish my body than with greasy pizza, right? I say fuckit, and grab a slice.
Not that I'm not infinitely grateful, but... damn. No more meals. Worse, this was pure impulse. I was tired, I felt entitled to a reward and I just grabbed pizza and soda. The feeling of grease settling into my solids-starved stomach went well with the guilt.
That night, we go to Gordon Biersch. This was the meal I had actually planned and, well, I had it. Lobster and Shrimp tacos, in fact. They were delicious, the company was great, and the time was well spent. Happy birthday, Adam!
But as I drove home (not really, there was one more party after that but I didn't consume anything), I realized I was four meals in on my 3-meal-month.
3/6/2011
Workday, despite it being a Sunday. Thanks to the fact that I was mostly stationary and on my own save for one coworker, I was able to stick to 100% shakes.
3/7/2011
Here we are, and I'm doing well on just the shakes so far. Still struggling with the water, but I'm doing better.
The real problem is, I know there are more major events this month and that I'm going to want to eat at them... hell, I -am- going to eat at them.
On one hand, a single cheeseburger can really derail a whole week of fasting.
On the other, so could a whole week of cheeseburgers.
I'm in my first month, and the transition is hard. The way I see it, though, so long as I can do most of these meals, stick to my exercise regimen (which starts tomorrow!) and replace 90+% of my meals, I'm doing good.
Ish.
Right?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
And then there were Two.
So, ran into a little complication today.
Due to last minute car troubles (read: not having enough gas to get to work and not having money come in until tonight,) my co-worker had to drive today. The problem is, I keep the bulk of my shakes in the trunk of my car. Now, I do keep shakes at work, and I thought I had enough (read: 8) to keep me going for the day.
Nope. I had 3.
So, realizing full well I'd drive myself bonkers (and starve myself in a bad way) with only three shakes, I decided to blow one of my three monthly meal tickets. I know, I know, 2 days in and I'm already using one, right? but, I figure, it's my first month and whatever.
The sad part? We went to one of my favorite taquerias where I got my favorite dish (super nachos!) and they weren't even that good. XD How does that even happen, right?
The good news is that I was able to eat and not feel horrendously guilty about it. Though the guilt motivates me, it's a very negative reinforcement and it's not unlike a whip cracking every time I even think about food. This time, I know I have the three monthly meals, I have limits to work within and some stretch for a despondent stomach, and I was able to eat my food without feeling horrible about it.
Shakes are locked, stocked and loaded for tomorrow. Day three begins once I wake up!
Due to last minute car troubles (read: not having enough gas to get to work and not having money come in until tonight,) my co-worker had to drive today. The problem is, I keep the bulk of my shakes in the trunk of my car. Now, I do keep shakes at work, and I thought I had enough (read: 8) to keep me going for the day.
Nope. I had 3.
So, realizing full well I'd drive myself bonkers (and starve myself in a bad way) with only three shakes, I decided to blow one of my three monthly meal tickets. I know, I know, 2 days in and I'm already using one, right? but, I figure, it's my first month and whatever.
The sad part? We went to one of my favorite taquerias where I got my favorite dish (super nachos!) and they weren't even that good. XD How does that even happen, right?
The good news is that I was able to eat and not feel horrendously guilty about it. Though the guilt motivates me, it's a very negative reinforcement and it's not unlike a whip cracking every time I even think about food. This time, I know I have the three monthly meals, I have limits to work within and some stretch for a despondent stomach, and I was able to eat my food without feeling horrible about it.
Shakes are locked, stocked and loaded for tomorrow. Day three begins once I wake up!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Whoo!
Day one was a total and complete success!
Despite many temptations to use one of my monthly meal tickets (knowing full well I already had pretty much two of them spoken for,) I was able to stave off the desires and remain 100% shaked. Shaken?
The siren's call of a big, overstuffed Chipotle burrito was definitely hard to ignore, though, I must admit. It's one of the (admittedly, many) places I wanted to go before I started the diet but didn't get a chance to. During lunch, all of my friends went to this delicious Taiwanese restaurant, and I had to cling to my shake cup at the thought of their chicken katsu curry plate.
I'm just torturing myself at this point. XD
Either way, I staved off the hunger and went to bed on a hungry stomach... but a satisfied mind.
Despite many temptations to use one of my monthly meal tickets (knowing full well I already had pretty much two of them spoken for,) I was able to stave off the desires and remain 100% shaked. Shaken?
The siren's call of a big, overstuffed Chipotle burrito was definitely hard to ignore, though, I must admit. It's one of the (admittedly, many) places I wanted to go before I started the diet but didn't get a chance to. During lunch, all of my friends went to this delicious Taiwanese restaurant, and I had to cling to my shake cup at the thought of their chicken katsu curry plate.
I'm just torturing myself at this point. XD
Either way, I staved off the hunger and went to bed on a hungry stomach... but a satisfied mind.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Day One, for Really Reals.
Day one and I'm doing well so far! Here's the game plan:
9:30 AM: 2x Shakes (Check!)
12:00 PM: 2x Shakes
3:00 PM: 2x Shakes
6:00 PM: 2x Shakes
9:00 PM: 2x Shakes
And, I'll be chugging as much water as possible in between/during. Go go Gadget Dietplan!
9:30 AM: 2x Shakes (Check!)
12:00 PM: 2x Shakes
3:00 PM: 2x Shakes
6:00 PM: 2x Shakes
9:00 PM: 2x Shakes
And, I'll be chugging as much water as possible in between/during. Go go Gadget Dietplan!
Monday, February 28, 2011
And Away We Go
So, last Tuesday should have marked the beginning of my diet. In a lot of ways, it did. It is the day I started replacing my meals with shakes.
The problem is... it hasn't replaced ALL of my meals.
~ It started on Tuesday. I had forgotten how much time this diet requires; constant refills of water, constant runs to the bathroom, constant shake mixing. When you have to down ten packets of stuff a day and your cup's so small you can only take one at a time, you find that a lot of your time's dedicated to it. Thing is, work was busy and fairly demanding... though I did well with sticking to shakes and nothing else, I only ended up getting about four shakes in during the day, which is... 400 calories? I needed calories... but more importantly, my hungry, furious and bewildered stomach needed food.
I got a burrito at the local Green Burrito / Carl's Jr. The sad part? I filled my soda cup with water.
~ Wednesday went better. I woke up to a clean, water-filled shake cup, ready for some powder and a quick morning energy boost. Throughout the day, I got a good deal of shakes down. I brought a small jug from home for constant refills, and contented myself with tap water so I didn't have to take the trek down to the break room for our filtered water. I got about eight shakes down.
I ate a tiny brownie bite type thing I had at home called a Hello Dolly. I missed the taste and the person who made them for me and... yeah. Chomp.
~ On Thursday, I actually did pretty good! During lunch time, I went to GNC to buy a bigger shake cup and can now make two at a time. Though I still didn't get the full gallon of water down (and still haven't, any of these days), I'd managed to stick to shakes and nothing but the whole day.
~ On Friday, I met up with an old friend at a bar after work and bought everyone a shot. A shot of Jack Daniel (or worse: a Jack Daniel knock-off) on a stomach full of nothing but powdered protein shakes is brutal. I drove my friend home (just barely) and, using the alcohol as a flimsy excuse to cover up my insatiable craving for food, I got some Taco Bell.
At this point, I realized I was cheating on this diet, flat out and blatant, and it was getting out of hand. I knew at this point that the diet was difficult and that I couldn't deny it was torture any more than I could deny that I needed it.
Throughout this week, I'd already told a number of friends I had to pass on social outings/birthday celebrations because I knew food would be involved. Eventually, when I'm adjusted and food no longer looks like food (but instead a tumbler full of milky brown liquid does,) I can go to such outings confident that I will not be tempted to break the Dieter's Code. Now, though, when the thought of adobo and burritos still lingered in my mind, I knew I couldn't handle it.
So, I decided to make a compromise. I decided not to cheat, but instead to have controlled stress releases, not unlike tapping a valve that has built up too much pressure. I also decided that, for the first week of the diet, I'd replace two meals with shakes and would have one regular meal for the day.
There you have it. For Saturday, I had popcorn at the movie theater and a burrito at lunch. For Sunday, I had a burger from Jack In The Box. Today, I had some noodles at a local Chinese restaurant. It was my last meal before starting the shakes full-fledged.
Starting tomorrow, I go on the shakes non-stop. 1000 calories worth of shakes a day, a gallon of water a day and, eventually, some exercise thrown in as well. Also, to tap the pressure valve, I've allowed myself three regular (not ridiculous) meals a month, for special occasions such as family/friend visits, birthdays and company lunches.
Will it slow down my progress? Definitely. Will it be a drastic blow to my otherwise steadfast dedication? Probably not.
Will it keep me from going bat-shit crazy and missing my friends?
Probably. :]
The problem is... it hasn't replaced ALL of my meals.
~ It started on Tuesday. I had forgotten how much time this diet requires; constant refills of water, constant runs to the bathroom, constant shake mixing. When you have to down ten packets of stuff a day and your cup's so small you can only take one at a time, you find that a lot of your time's dedicated to it. Thing is, work was busy and fairly demanding... though I did well with sticking to shakes and nothing else, I only ended up getting about four shakes in during the day, which is... 400 calories? I needed calories... but more importantly, my hungry, furious and bewildered stomach needed food.
I got a burrito at the local Green Burrito / Carl's Jr. The sad part? I filled my soda cup with water.
~ Wednesday went better. I woke up to a clean, water-filled shake cup, ready for some powder and a quick morning energy boost. Throughout the day, I got a good deal of shakes down. I brought a small jug from home for constant refills, and contented myself with tap water so I didn't have to take the trek down to the break room for our filtered water. I got about eight shakes down.
I ate a tiny brownie bite type thing I had at home called a Hello Dolly. I missed the taste and the person who made them for me and... yeah. Chomp.
~ On Thursday, I actually did pretty good! During lunch time, I went to GNC to buy a bigger shake cup and can now make two at a time. Though I still didn't get the full gallon of water down (and still haven't, any of these days), I'd managed to stick to shakes and nothing but the whole day.
~ On Friday, I met up with an old friend at a bar after work and bought everyone a shot. A shot of Jack Daniel (or worse: a Jack Daniel knock-off) on a stomach full of nothing but powdered protein shakes is brutal. I drove my friend home (just barely) and, using the alcohol as a flimsy excuse to cover up my insatiable craving for food, I got some Taco Bell.
At this point, I realized I was cheating on this diet, flat out and blatant, and it was getting out of hand. I knew at this point that the diet was difficult and that I couldn't deny it was torture any more than I could deny that I needed it.
Throughout this week, I'd already told a number of friends I had to pass on social outings/birthday celebrations because I knew food would be involved. Eventually, when I'm adjusted and food no longer looks like food (but instead a tumbler full of milky brown liquid does,) I can go to such outings confident that I will not be tempted to break the Dieter's Code. Now, though, when the thought of adobo and burritos still lingered in my mind, I knew I couldn't handle it.
So, I decided to make a compromise. I decided not to cheat, but instead to have controlled stress releases, not unlike tapping a valve that has built up too much pressure. I also decided that, for the first week of the diet, I'd replace two meals with shakes and would have one regular meal for the day.
There you have it. For Saturday, I had popcorn at the movie theater and a burrito at lunch. For Sunday, I had a burger from Jack In The Box. Today, I had some noodles at a local Chinese restaurant. It was my last meal before starting the shakes full-fledged.
Starting tomorrow, I go on the shakes non-stop. 1000 calories worth of shakes a day, a gallon of water a day and, eventually, some exercise thrown in as well. Also, to tap the pressure valve, I've allowed myself three regular (not ridiculous) meals a month, for special occasions such as family/friend visits, birthdays and company lunches.
Will it slow down my progress? Definitely. Will it be a drastic blow to my otherwise steadfast dedication? Probably not.
Will it keep me from going bat-shit crazy and missing my friends?
Probably. :]
Friday, February 25, 2011
The How
So, just what the hell are these shakes, anyway? Where do they come from, what goes in them, what do they taste like? Also, what's the actual diet plan itself; how many in a day? Do you REALLY never eat any solids? How does this shit work?
How convenient that you asked, Self! I was just about to write about that! Allow me to answer!
I buy the shakes from New Lifestyle Diet. They're a cheaper replacement for the original shakes I was using when I was on this whole shake program thing, and I don't know much about them other than:
A) They work.
B) My friend Morgan found them and used/uses them, and I have the utmost faith in his intelligence.
I've ordered a 2 Week program worth of just Strawberry, Vanilla and Chocolate; keeping it down to the basics and limiting my choices makes it easier on me to focus on the purpose of the shakes, and not the taste.
As for the plan:
Each shake is 100 calories for 10 oz. of liquid that has 20% of my daily required vitamins. For my size, I'm supposed to be taking about 1200 calories a day, which means 12 shakes. Since they're pretty small, I usually double up on them, which means 6 shakemeals throughout the day, with an occasional fiber capsule and multivitamin thrown in there to keep things regular. Along with the shakes, I'm supposed to be drinking a full gallon of water throughout the day... which I find is harder than the diet itself, to be honest. XD Not to mention murder on my bladder; 30% of my day is going to be spent walking to and from the bathroom.
I keep this up for about 1-2 weeks wherein my body adjusts (which is a very kind way to say "Freaks the fuck out") and I get used to the new system. Once that's all done, I start daily walks. I can't do too much, exercise-wise, because anything too fast/strenuous can be really damaging on my joints in the long run. Walking, though, and stair climbing both work fine. After that, I progressively increase the work-out and... yeah. That's about it. Ad nauseum, ad infinitum, whichever works.
I... I think that's it.
How convenient that you asked, Self! I was just about to write about that! Allow me to answer!
I buy the shakes from New Lifestyle Diet. They're a cheaper replacement for the original shakes I was using when I was on this whole shake program thing, and I don't know much about them other than:
A) They work.
B) My friend Morgan found them and used/uses them, and I have the utmost faith in his intelligence.
I've ordered a 2 Week program worth of just Strawberry, Vanilla and Chocolate; keeping it down to the basics and limiting my choices makes it easier on me to focus on the purpose of the shakes, and not the taste.
As for the plan:
Each shake is 100 calories for 10 oz. of liquid that has 20% of my daily required vitamins. For my size, I'm supposed to be taking about 1200 calories a day, which means 12 shakes. Since they're pretty small, I usually double up on them, which means 6 shakemeals throughout the day, with an occasional fiber capsule and multivitamin thrown in there to keep things regular. Along with the shakes, I'm supposed to be drinking a full gallon of water throughout the day... which I find is harder than the diet itself, to be honest. XD Not to mention murder on my bladder; 30% of my day is going to be spent walking to and from the bathroom.
I keep this up for about 1-2 weeks wherein my body adjusts (which is a very kind way to say "Freaks the fuck out") and I get used to the new system. Once that's all done, I start daily walks. I can't do too much, exercise-wise, because anything too fast/strenuous can be really damaging on my joints in the long run. Walking, though, and stair climbing both work fine. After that, I progressively increase the work-out and... yeah. That's about it. Ad nauseum, ad infinitum, whichever works.
I... I think that's it.
The Why
I've addressed this to a certain degree in my first post, but I suppose I can approach this in a different light: Instead of answering why I'm dieting, I can address why I'm choosing this specific method.
Back when I was working at Yahoo, I had reached a new height in weight gain. That, coupled with horrible sleeping conditions that consisted of a mattress on the hard floor, led to a horrible case of Sciatica that gave me a strong, constant and pulsing pain in my left thigh. Though there were a lot of reasons to lose weight, this was the final impetus to actually do something about it.
I went to Kaiser and talked to a dietitian. They gave me the standard spiel; eat less, exercise more. That certainly works, but I needed some more... help. I told them as much, and they suggested a shake-fasting program. I did some research, went through the proper tests (including a CAT scan, which was weird as hell) and decided to move forward with it.
I tried it and... well, it worked.
The original plan I was on included a weekly meet-up with a group of people going through the same plan, a litany of binders and pamphlets and some grief-counseling style sessions. The shakes were delicious, the classes were very educational and it really helped to set to good foundation. The problem is, the whole program was expensive as Eff. About... $1k a month or so, I believe. I was making pretty good money at Yahoo at the time but I obviously couldn't sustain that for long. After my first month, I quit.
I quit the program, but I didn't want to quit the diet. Thanks to my good friend Morgan, who was also morbidly obese and looking to start a diet, we found the shakes that worked for us at New Lifestyle Diet. They didn't taste as good, btu offered a much larger variety and, most importantly, they were drastically cheaper. $300 or so a month, as opposed to the $1k? Yes plz.
I've typed all of this and still haven't gotten to the reason Why. ^_^*
A complete fast, whole and total meal replacement, is a little drastic and, without the proper guidance, potentially dangerous. It takes the variety out of life and, more than this, takes away the deliciousness of eating food.
More than this, though, it reminds us that food is just fuel to make the body work. At its core, despite how it tastes and what's in it, eating is about refueling the body first and foremost. Being the celebrated eater that I am, I saw food as a reward, as a treat, as the most awesome part of a day. By replacing every meal with a shake, I'm forced to remember that it's not the food that should be celebrated, but the people I'm sharing the food with.
I feel like I'm rambling. Long story short, I chose the shakes because they're easy to make, relatively cheap, don't give me too many options (which can lead to cheats/backsliding), and are, ironically enough, boring enough to keep me hooked. They're convenient enough to bring with you places and are an easily calculated source to make sure you get all of your daily nutrition. Most importantly, they get the job done.
Back when I was working at Yahoo, I had reached a new height in weight gain. That, coupled with horrible sleeping conditions that consisted of a mattress on the hard floor, led to a horrible case of Sciatica that gave me a strong, constant and pulsing pain in my left thigh. Though there were a lot of reasons to lose weight, this was the final impetus to actually do something about it.
I went to Kaiser and talked to a dietitian. They gave me the standard spiel; eat less, exercise more. That certainly works, but I needed some more... help. I told them as much, and they suggested a shake-fasting program. I did some research, went through the proper tests (including a CAT scan, which was weird as hell) and decided to move forward with it.
I tried it and... well, it worked.
The original plan I was on included a weekly meet-up with a group of people going through the same plan, a litany of binders and pamphlets and some grief-counseling style sessions. The shakes were delicious, the classes were very educational and it really helped to set to good foundation. The problem is, the whole program was expensive as Eff. About... $1k a month or so, I believe. I was making pretty good money at Yahoo at the time but I obviously couldn't sustain that for long. After my first month, I quit.
I quit the program, but I didn't want to quit the diet. Thanks to my good friend Morgan, who was also morbidly obese and looking to start a diet, we found the shakes that worked for us at New Lifestyle Diet. They didn't taste as good, btu offered a much larger variety and, most importantly, they were drastically cheaper. $300 or so a month, as opposed to the $1k? Yes plz.
I've typed all of this and still haven't gotten to the reason Why. ^_^*
A complete fast, whole and total meal replacement, is a little drastic and, without the proper guidance, potentially dangerous. It takes the variety out of life and, more than this, takes away the deliciousness of eating food.
More than this, though, it reminds us that food is just fuel to make the body work. At its core, despite how it tastes and what's in it, eating is about refueling the body first and foremost. Being the celebrated eater that I am, I saw food as a reward, as a treat, as the most awesome part of a day. By replacing every meal with a shake, I'm forced to remember that it's not the food that should be celebrated, but the people I'm sharing the food with.
I feel like I'm rambling. Long story short, I chose the shakes because they're easy to make, relatively cheap, don't give me too many options (which can lead to cheats/backsliding), and are, ironically enough, boring enough to keep me hooked. They're convenient enough to bring with you places and are an easily calculated source to make sure you get all of your daily nutrition. Most importantly, they get the job done.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The When
So, how long do I plan on doing this? How long am I going to be eating shakes, working out, dieting? Forgive me for using a quite, but it's a really powerful line from one of my favorite movies from one of my favorite actors.
"You're not going anywhere, you thick lump. You stay until the job's done."
Did I just quote Brad Pitt on my supposedly serious diet blog, while simultaneously revealing him to be one of my favorite actors? You're damned right I did.
But yes, I plan to stick with this until I reach my goal. In a lot of ways, I'm always going to be on this diet; it's not about hitting a certain goal and then slowly ballooning back up to my current size. It's about a complete and total life restructuring, curbing my negative tendencies while replacing them with positive ones. Will I always be on the shakes? No. Will I always focus on being healthy enough to live a "normal", active life? Yes.
Now, if you're looking for some hard and fast dates, there are some specific events I'm hoping to slim down by.
Foremost on this list would be my cousin Cathy's wedding. She's been my closest and best friend since early childhood and she's finally getting married. It's going to be a huge shindig and she's invited me to be part of the wedding group. I want to look good, slim, proper and downright smooth in the wedding pictures. I'm not saying that heavyset people can't look good in their own bodies, but I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror that morning and know, confidently, that I've done my best to look suave for my cousin's big day. Whether I do that at 180 or 350 is irrelevant.
So, as for her big day:
Another goal is that this summer Archer's coming out and he's really excited to go to Disneyland. Now, you'd think this would eb nothing but good news, but at my size it's really nothing but... stress. I don't know if I'll fit in those rides, or if I'll have the energy to run around BOTH parks all day long. So, to that end, I'm trying to lose as much weight as possible and at the same time raise my energy levels to make sure my son has as much fun as possible that day. Last time I was on the shakes, I slimmed down enough to fit in the rides, and it was in roughly the same amount of time I'm going to have now.
"You're not going anywhere, you thick lump. You stay until the job's done."
Did I just quote Brad Pitt on my supposedly serious diet blog, while simultaneously revealing him to be one of my favorite actors? You're damned right I did.
But yes, I plan to stick with this until I reach my goal. In a lot of ways, I'm always going to be on this diet; it's not about hitting a certain goal and then slowly ballooning back up to my current size. It's about a complete and total life restructuring, curbing my negative tendencies while replacing them with positive ones. Will I always be on the shakes? No. Will I always focus on being healthy enough to live a "normal", active life? Yes.
Now, if you're looking for some hard and fast dates, there are some specific events I'm hoping to slim down by.
Foremost on this list would be my cousin Cathy's wedding. She's been my closest and best friend since early childhood and she's finally getting married. It's going to be a huge shindig and she's invited me to be part of the wedding group. I want to look good, slim, proper and downright smooth in the wedding pictures. I'm not saying that heavyset people can't look good in their own bodies, but I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror that morning and know, confidently, that I've done my best to look suave for my cousin's big day. Whether I do that at 180 or 350 is irrelevant.
So, as for her big day:
Another goal is that this summer Archer's coming out and he's really excited to go to Disneyland. Now, you'd think this would eb nothing but good news, but at my size it's really nothing but... stress. I don't know if I'll fit in those rides, or if I'll have the energy to run around BOTH parks all day long. So, to that end, I'm trying to lose as much weight as possible and at the same time raise my energy levels to make sure my son has as much fun as possible that day. Last time I was on the shakes, I slimmed down enough to fit in the rides, and it was in roughly the same amount of time I'm going to have now.
The Where
When I first did this diet program, I was working at Yahoo. My days were spent mostly on my own, running a tech-support desk where employees could bring their pc's to be fixed. This meant that the majority of my time was spent on my own without outside influence, without friends asking me to go to lunch, without the smell of co-workers' food wafting in the air.
Now, I'm sitting in a bay of fellow billing representatives and the inevitable daily lunch talk is inescapable. I'm on day two and it hasn't bothered me yet; luckily, my coworkers are also some of my best friends and they're highly supportive, so they've done their best to keep me free of food talk during thisdifficult vexing transition period. The daily lunch hour has been, up until yesterday, a very fun part of the day that gave us all a chance to chill without the ever-present eye of HR to censor our jokes. Now, I just... sit here, drink shakes and play WoW. Eventually I'll start walking/working out, but while my body's going through the transition of being shocked out of food, I'm just... sitting about.
Luckily, we're directly across from a beautiful lake/park that will be perfect for walks. Also, we've all the amenities I need here at the office: clean water, nearby bathrooms and multiple sinks to clean my shake tumblers. Also, I've nothing but support from my friends and co-workers, so I'm grateful for that.
At home, we live right next to a park for walks on days I have off, we... hmm, we need a new filter for our tap water and my roomies are very considerate (cruel, ribbing jokes aside, though that's just how we treat each other.) Luckily, they almost always eat out, so I won't have to deal with the temptation of freshly-cooked food wafting from the kitchen.
I honestly thought "The Where" would be the shortest of these posts, but so far it's the longest. XD
Now, I'm sitting in a bay of fellow billing representatives and the inevitable daily lunch talk is inescapable. I'm on day two and it hasn't bothered me yet; luckily, my coworkers are also some of my best friends and they're highly supportive, so they've done their best to keep me free of food talk during this
Luckily, we're directly across from a beautiful lake/park that will be perfect for walks. Also, we've all the amenities I need here at the office: clean water, nearby bathrooms and multiple sinks to clean my shake tumblers. Also, I've nothing but support from my friends and co-workers, so I'm grateful for that.
At home, we live right next to a park for walks on days I have off, we... hmm, we need a new filter for our tap water and my roomies are very considerate (cruel, ribbing jokes aside, though that's just how we treat each other.) Luckily, they almost always eat out, so I won't have to deal with the temptation of freshly-cooked food wafting from the kitchen.
I honestly thought "The Where" would be the shortest of these posts, but so far it's the longest. XD
The What
The goals of this endeavor are a little vague, partly on purpose and partly because coming to terms with such a grand undertaking is difficult. I feel an almost physical aversion from thinking about it too much, but then again, that's why I'm starting this blog. So, if I'm to quantify my goals/hopes into words, this would be what it'd look like:
1) To weigh ~200 lbs.
2) To be able to run a mile.
3) To be able to buy clothes at -any- clothing store.
4) To be able to sit at any chair in any restaurant.
5) To be able to walk somewhere without my thighs touching.
Whew. That was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be, and I already thought it'd be pretty damn difficult. Worse than coming to terms with what you have to do to lose weight, I find coming to terms with just how fat you truly are is more difficult.
I'm sure I'll come up with more goals as I progress, and I'll make sure I post them here.
1) To weigh ~200 lbs.
2) To be able to run a mile.
3) To be able to buy clothes at -any- clothing store.
4) To be able to sit at any chair in any restaurant.
5) To be able to walk somewhere without my thighs touching.
Whew. That was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be, and I already thought it'd be pretty damn difficult. Worse than coming to terms with what you have to do to lose weight, I find coming to terms with just how fat you truly are is more difficult.
I'm sure I'll come up with more goals as I progress, and I'll make sure I post them here.
The Who
As far as I can tell, I'm the only one doing this. Some co-workers and even Jody has mentioned interest in trying the shakes out as well, which is extremely flattering/inspiring. I know a lot of you said you're planning on going on diets on your own, so I wish you all the best in your own endeavors. Hopefully this blog can help you along, if not through direct inspiration than at least through indirect guilt.
You'll notice I'll make a lot of references to Spiral Power, Breaking Through The Impossible and whatnot. Whenever I do this, it's... well, it's from a cartoon I'm a huge fan of. ^_^* It can be taken as nothing more than a light-hearted anime about giant robots, but there's an underlying message that I really connected with and, to be honest, it really helped me through my first attempt at this shake diet. I'm hoping that it will also help guide me through this 2nd (and, ideally, final) attempt.
Row row, fight the powah.
You'll notice I'll make a lot of references to Spiral Power, Breaking Through The Impossible and whatnot. Whenever I do this, it's... well, it's from a cartoon I'm a huge fan of. ^_^* It can be taken as nothing more than a light-hearted anime about giant robots, but there's an underlying message that I really connected with and, to be honest, it really helped me through my first attempt at this shake diet. I'm hoping that it will also help guide me through this 2nd (and, ideally, final) attempt.
Row row, fight the powah.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The Particulars
I've been getting asked a lot of questions about the details on this diet. Questions have ranged from innocent to condescending, from fascinated to awkwardly disgusted. I figured I might as well answer some of the basic questions here, if not for everyone else's sake than for my own so that I might have a script to refer to next time someone asks me. If you've any questions of your own, please feel free to ask.
Today's project: The Who, What, Where, When, Why and How of this weight loss plan.
Today's project: The Who, What, Where, When, Why and How of this weight loss plan.
The Journey of a Million Miles Begins with but a Single Sip.
Last night, while sitting around the living room with some friends, I idly watched the clock as it inched closer to midnight. The numbers blinked to 11:58 PM and I took a bite of Papa John's Hearty Italian pizza. I chewed it slowly, savoring each flavor, enjoying the sharp tang of the pizza sauce, grinding my teeth just a little harder than necessary into the meat. At 11:59 PM, I took a deep drink of cherry soda, and it ran quickly past my tongue to sizzle and fizzle deep in my gut. I eyed the clock nervously and took another deep sip within the moment, resisting the urge to down the whole cup (though just barely). I eyed the clock.
The clock blinked over to 12:00 AM, and I set the cup down.
That pizza and soda will prove to be the last physical meal I have in a long time.
Presumably, if you're reading this you already know who I am and why I'm dieting. You were interested enough to add me in the first place, as I plan to keep this blog Private from the public eye, so why wouldn't you already know everything I'm about to write? For sanity's wistful sake, however, permit me to be a little plain.
My name's Jonathan Cordero. I'm 27 years old, Filipino and work in the billing department of Perfect World Entertainment, a video game company in Foster City, California. I have a son named Archer who is now 8 years old, and though he's constantly on my mind and the main motivation of my life, he resides with his mother in Pennsylvania. I currently live with my good friend Jody and a foreign-exchange student from China who is studying Computer Science here.
I'm also morbidly obese, and weight somewhere around 430 lbs, I think.
Which brings us to the real reason we're all here: I've spent the majority of my life at this ungainly size. This has led to a number of missed opportunities, guilty disappointments, a litany of mental conditions and a messy, sloppy life full of repressed depression and subconsciously suicidal tendencies.
Needless to say, this has to stop.
Today, I begin a shake fasting diet designed to safely carry someone on 1000 calories a day via these protein shakes that provide all of one's daily nutrients and vitamins. I've tried this before and lost about 100 lbs. in about 6 months, coupled with exercise and strict dedication. This diet includes a 100% meal replacement, meaning I will not be eating anything but these shakes and some specifically designed "safe foods" that don't lead to weight gain if eaten in moderate amounts.
Pretty drastic, eh? I don't think asking why is very necessary, but permit me to list a few reasons why I'm doing this:
1) For my health, and the ability to live longer while (hopefully) liking myself.
2) For Archer, so that I can chase him around, be there for him in case of an emergency, and just play with him without getting tired.
3) For my friends and family, so they don't have to dodge around doing certain activities or going to certain places because they know it'd be difficult for me.
4) For my career, as I hope to one day branch out into a department where I can use my charisma to its fullest via marketing or public relations. Unfortunately, with society being the way it is, we all know that presentation is half of the game.
I'm sure there are plenty more reasons, and through the many months to come I plan to delve into every single one of them. This will not be a blog that will be easy to read, as I plan to be very blunt and direct with emotions I've never really revealed to anyone, save for a few people. There will be very ugly, heavy posts wherein I try to exorcise the demons that a life of self-loathing can build.
But!
You guys know me, and know that I keep things positive. There will be plenty of motivation, inspiration, celebrating accomplishments and Spiral Power.
*Raises a shaker-tumbler full of vanilla shake.*
Cheers!
The clock blinked over to 12:00 AM, and I set the cup down.
That pizza and soda will prove to be the last physical meal I have in a long time.
Presumably, if you're reading this you already know who I am and why I'm dieting. You were interested enough to add me in the first place, as I plan to keep this blog Private from the public eye, so why wouldn't you already know everything I'm about to write? For sanity's wistful sake, however, permit me to be a little plain.
My name's Jonathan Cordero. I'm 27 years old, Filipino and work in the billing department of Perfect World Entertainment, a video game company in Foster City, California. I have a son named Archer who is now 8 years old, and though he's constantly on my mind and the main motivation of my life, he resides with his mother in Pennsylvania. I currently live with my good friend Jody and a foreign-exchange student from China who is studying Computer Science here.
I'm also morbidly obese, and weight somewhere around 430 lbs, I think.
Which brings us to the real reason we're all here: I've spent the majority of my life at this ungainly size. This has led to a number of missed opportunities, guilty disappointments, a litany of mental conditions and a messy, sloppy life full of repressed depression and subconsciously suicidal tendencies.
Needless to say, this has to stop.
Today, I begin a shake fasting diet designed to safely carry someone on 1000 calories a day via these protein shakes that provide all of one's daily nutrients and vitamins. I've tried this before and lost about 100 lbs. in about 6 months, coupled with exercise and strict dedication. This diet includes a 100% meal replacement, meaning I will not be eating anything but these shakes and some specifically designed "safe foods" that don't lead to weight gain if eaten in moderate amounts.
Pretty drastic, eh? I don't think asking why is very necessary, but permit me to list a few reasons why I'm doing this:
1) For my health, and the ability to live longer while (hopefully) liking myself.
2) For Archer, so that I can chase him around, be there for him in case of an emergency, and just play with him without getting tired.
3) For my friends and family, so they don't have to dodge around doing certain activities or going to certain places because they know it'd be difficult for me.
4) For my career, as I hope to one day branch out into a department where I can use my charisma to its fullest via marketing or public relations. Unfortunately, with society being the way it is, we all know that presentation is half of the game.
I'm sure there are plenty more reasons, and through the many months to come I plan to delve into every single one of them. This will not be a blog that will be easy to read, as I plan to be very blunt and direct with emotions I've never really revealed to anyone, save for a few people. There will be very ugly, heavy posts wherein I try to exorcise the demons that a life of self-loathing can build.
But!
You guys know me, and know that I keep things positive. There will be plenty of motivation, inspiration, celebrating accomplishments and Spiral Power.
*Raises a shaker-tumbler full of vanilla shake.*
Cheers!
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