Once more into the breach.

I kind of gave up a while back. ^_^* Ironically enough, it was right around the time my friends from Pogo started a weight loss challenge that I kind of said "fuck it" and forgot all about losing weight. I don't know why, but I kind of just... stopped.

This, of course, was a huge mistake. I'm at the size now where if I don't do something about it, I will die. I learned this the hard way a few weeks ago.

I was in the shower just doing my thing (no, not like that you jerks) when I suddenly feel my heart start to pound. It was racing like I was being chased, and when I put my hand on my chest I could actually feel it hammering. It really freaked me out, as it wouldn't stop and I started freaking out. I was planning what would happen with Archer, how my funeral would go, everything. I haven't felt religious in a long time, but I started praying, though it was more apologizing and confessing than anything. I was standing there, trying to make peace with the thought of dying in the shower.

I didn't die. My heart just stopped pumping so furiously, like an old washing machine switching cycles. I literally felt the *KA-CHUG* of it suddenly stopping, beating like normal as if nothing happened.

This was just a few days before Disneyland. I'd put together a huge family thing wherein all of my cousins come with Archer and I to Disneyland. Well, we went, and the night before I told my cousins what happened (a shorter version, anyway) and asked if they could take Archer on the rides with them, since I wouldn't be going on any of them. Not only was I too big to fit, most likely, but I was afraid of my heart freaking out again. They agreed.

Though I had lots of fun in Disneyland, it was still a huge disappointment to not be able to ride anything with my son. When my cousins all wanted to ride the more adult rides, someone had to stay off with him since I was too tired to follow my cousins around. I spent the entire day as a fat lump who did mostly nothing in the Happiest Place On Earth. I did my best to hide it, but I felt miserable with myself.

I got back home and scheduled a meeting with a doctor. Enough is enough, I thought to myself. Next year, Disneyland will be awesome, I'm going to rock out and look like a badass at Cathy's wedding, and I'm going to be the dad Archer wants; someone who can run around with him, ride on rides and actually take him places that don't involve a game controller.

I'd been stupidly waiting for a warning, and nwo that my body smacked me upside the head, I'm finally listening.