So, last Tuesday should have marked the beginning of my diet. In a lot of ways, it did. It is the day I started replacing my meals with shakes.
The problem is... it hasn't replaced ALL of my meals.
~ It started on Tuesday. I had forgotten how much time this diet requires; constant refills of water, constant runs to the bathroom, constant shake mixing. When you have to down ten packets of stuff a day and your cup's so small you can only take one at a time, you find that a lot of your time's dedicated to it. Thing is, work was busy and fairly demanding... though I did well with sticking to shakes and nothing else, I only ended up getting about four shakes in during the day, which is... 400 calories? I needed calories... but more importantly, my hungry, furious and bewildered stomach needed food.
I got a burrito at the local Green Burrito / Carl's Jr. The sad part? I filled my soda cup with water.
~ Wednesday went better. I woke up to a clean, water-filled shake cup, ready for some powder and a quick morning energy boost. Throughout the day, I got a good deal of shakes down. I brought a small jug from home for constant refills, and contented myself with tap water so I didn't have to take the trek down to the break room for our filtered water. I got about eight shakes down.
I ate a tiny brownie bite type thing I had at home called a Hello Dolly. I missed the taste and the person who made them for me and... yeah. Chomp.
~ On Thursday, I actually did pretty good! During lunch time, I went to GNC to buy a bigger shake cup and can now make two at a time. Though I still didn't get the full gallon of water down (and still haven't, any of these days), I'd managed to stick to shakes and nothing but the whole day.
~ On Friday, I met up with an old friend at a bar after work and bought everyone a shot. A shot of Jack Daniel (or worse: a Jack Daniel knock-off) on a stomach full of nothing but powdered protein shakes is brutal. I drove my friend home (just barely) and, using the alcohol as a flimsy excuse to cover up my insatiable craving for food, I got some Taco Bell.
At this point, I realized I was cheating on this diet, flat out and blatant, and it was getting out of hand. I knew at this point that the diet was difficult and that I couldn't deny it was torture any more than I could deny that I needed it.
Throughout this week, I'd already told a number of friends I had to pass on social outings/birthday celebrations because I knew food would be involved. Eventually, when I'm adjusted and food no longer looks like food (but instead a tumbler full of milky brown liquid does,) I can go to such outings confident that I will not be tempted to break the Dieter's Code. Now, though, when the thought of adobo and burritos still lingered in my mind, I knew I couldn't handle it.
So, I decided to make a compromise. I decided not to cheat, but instead to have controlled stress releases, not unlike tapping a valve that has built up too much pressure. I also decided that, for the first week of the diet, I'd replace two meals with shakes and would have one regular meal for the day.
There you have it. For Saturday, I had popcorn at the movie theater and a burrito at lunch. For Sunday, I had a burger from Jack In The Box. Today, I had some noodles at a local Chinese restaurant. It was my last meal before starting the shakes full-fledged.
Starting tomorrow, I go on the shakes non-stop. 1000 calories worth of shakes a day, a gallon of water a day and, eventually, some exercise thrown in as well. Also, to tap the pressure valve, I've allowed myself three regular (not ridiculous) meals a month, for special occasions such as family/friend visits, birthdays and company lunches.
Will it slow down my progress? Definitely. Will it be a drastic blow to my otherwise steadfast dedication? Probably not.
Will it keep me from going bat-shit crazy and missing my friends?
Probably. :]
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
The How
So, just what the hell are these shakes, anyway? Where do they come from, what goes in them, what do they taste like? Also, what's the actual diet plan itself; how many in a day? Do you REALLY never eat any solids? How does this shit work?
How convenient that you asked, Self! I was just about to write about that! Allow me to answer!
I buy the shakes from New Lifestyle Diet. They're a cheaper replacement for the original shakes I was using when I was on this whole shake program thing, and I don't know much about them other than:
A) They work.
B) My friend Morgan found them and used/uses them, and I have the utmost faith in his intelligence.
I've ordered a 2 Week program worth of just Strawberry, Vanilla and Chocolate; keeping it down to the basics and limiting my choices makes it easier on me to focus on the purpose of the shakes, and not the taste.
As for the plan:
Each shake is 100 calories for 10 oz. of liquid that has 20% of my daily required vitamins. For my size, I'm supposed to be taking about 1200 calories a day, which means 12 shakes. Since they're pretty small, I usually double up on them, which means 6 shakemeals throughout the day, with an occasional fiber capsule and multivitamin thrown in there to keep things regular. Along with the shakes, I'm supposed to be drinking a full gallon of water throughout the day... which I find is harder than the diet itself, to be honest. XD Not to mention murder on my bladder; 30% of my day is going to be spent walking to and from the bathroom.
I keep this up for about 1-2 weeks wherein my body adjusts (which is a very kind way to say "Freaks the fuck out") and I get used to the new system. Once that's all done, I start daily walks. I can't do too much, exercise-wise, because anything too fast/strenuous can be really damaging on my joints in the long run. Walking, though, and stair climbing both work fine. After that, I progressively increase the work-out and... yeah. That's about it. Ad nauseum, ad infinitum, whichever works.
I... I think that's it.
How convenient that you asked, Self! I was just about to write about that! Allow me to answer!
I buy the shakes from New Lifestyle Diet. They're a cheaper replacement for the original shakes I was using when I was on this whole shake program thing, and I don't know much about them other than:
A) They work.
B) My friend Morgan found them and used/uses them, and I have the utmost faith in his intelligence.
I've ordered a 2 Week program worth of just Strawberry, Vanilla and Chocolate; keeping it down to the basics and limiting my choices makes it easier on me to focus on the purpose of the shakes, and not the taste.
As for the plan:
Each shake is 100 calories for 10 oz. of liquid that has 20% of my daily required vitamins. For my size, I'm supposed to be taking about 1200 calories a day, which means 12 shakes. Since they're pretty small, I usually double up on them, which means 6 shakemeals throughout the day, with an occasional fiber capsule and multivitamin thrown in there to keep things regular. Along with the shakes, I'm supposed to be drinking a full gallon of water throughout the day... which I find is harder than the diet itself, to be honest. XD Not to mention murder on my bladder; 30% of my day is going to be spent walking to and from the bathroom.
I keep this up for about 1-2 weeks wherein my body adjusts (which is a very kind way to say "Freaks the fuck out") and I get used to the new system. Once that's all done, I start daily walks. I can't do too much, exercise-wise, because anything too fast/strenuous can be really damaging on my joints in the long run. Walking, though, and stair climbing both work fine. After that, I progressively increase the work-out and... yeah. That's about it. Ad nauseum, ad infinitum, whichever works.
I... I think that's it.
The Why
I've addressed this to a certain degree in my first post, but I suppose I can approach this in a different light: Instead of answering why I'm dieting, I can address why I'm choosing this specific method.
Back when I was working at Yahoo, I had reached a new height in weight gain. That, coupled with horrible sleeping conditions that consisted of a mattress on the hard floor, led to a horrible case of Sciatica that gave me a strong, constant and pulsing pain in my left thigh. Though there were a lot of reasons to lose weight, this was the final impetus to actually do something about it.
I went to Kaiser and talked to a dietitian. They gave me the standard spiel; eat less, exercise more. That certainly works, but I needed some more... help. I told them as much, and they suggested a shake-fasting program. I did some research, went through the proper tests (including a CAT scan, which was weird as hell) and decided to move forward with it.
I tried it and... well, it worked.
The original plan I was on included a weekly meet-up with a group of people going through the same plan, a litany of binders and pamphlets and some grief-counseling style sessions. The shakes were delicious, the classes were very educational and it really helped to set to good foundation. The problem is, the whole program was expensive as Eff. About... $1k a month or so, I believe. I was making pretty good money at Yahoo at the time but I obviously couldn't sustain that for long. After my first month, I quit.
I quit the program, but I didn't want to quit the diet. Thanks to my good friend Morgan, who was also morbidly obese and looking to start a diet, we found the shakes that worked for us at New Lifestyle Diet. They didn't taste as good, btu offered a much larger variety and, most importantly, they were drastically cheaper. $300 or so a month, as opposed to the $1k? Yes plz.
I've typed all of this and still haven't gotten to the reason Why. ^_^*
A complete fast, whole and total meal replacement, is a little drastic and, without the proper guidance, potentially dangerous. It takes the variety out of life and, more than this, takes away the deliciousness of eating food.
More than this, though, it reminds us that food is just fuel to make the body work. At its core, despite how it tastes and what's in it, eating is about refueling the body first and foremost. Being the celebrated eater that I am, I saw food as a reward, as a treat, as the most awesome part of a day. By replacing every meal with a shake, I'm forced to remember that it's not the food that should be celebrated, but the people I'm sharing the food with.
I feel like I'm rambling. Long story short, I chose the shakes because they're easy to make, relatively cheap, don't give me too many options (which can lead to cheats/backsliding), and are, ironically enough, boring enough to keep me hooked. They're convenient enough to bring with you places and are an easily calculated source to make sure you get all of your daily nutrition. Most importantly, they get the job done.
Back when I was working at Yahoo, I had reached a new height in weight gain. That, coupled with horrible sleeping conditions that consisted of a mattress on the hard floor, led to a horrible case of Sciatica that gave me a strong, constant and pulsing pain in my left thigh. Though there were a lot of reasons to lose weight, this was the final impetus to actually do something about it.
I went to Kaiser and talked to a dietitian. They gave me the standard spiel; eat less, exercise more. That certainly works, but I needed some more... help. I told them as much, and they suggested a shake-fasting program. I did some research, went through the proper tests (including a CAT scan, which was weird as hell) and decided to move forward with it.
I tried it and... well, it worked.
The original plan I was on included a weekly meet-up with a group of people going through the same plan, a litany of binders and pamphlets and some grief-counseling style sessions. The shakes were delicious, the classes were very educational and it really helped to set to good foundation. The problem is, the whole program was expensive as Eff. About... $1k a month or so, I believe. I was making pretty good money at Yahoo at the time but I obviously couldn't sustain that for long. After my first month, I quit.
I quit the program, but I didn't want to quit the diet. Thanks to my good friend Morgan, who was also morbidly obese and looking to start a diet, we found the shakes that worked for us at New Lifestyle Diet. They didn't taste as good, btu offered a much larger variety and, most importantly, they were drastically cheaper. $300 or so a month, as opposed to the $1k? Yes plz.
I've typed all of this and still haven't gotten to the reason Why. ^_^*
A complete fast, whole and total meal replacement, is a little drastic and, without the proper guidance, potentially dangerous. It takes the variety out of life and, more than this, takes away the deliciousness of eating food.
More than this, though, it reminds us that food is just fuel to make the body work. At its core, despite how it tastes and what's in it, eating is about refueling the body first and foremost. Being the celebrated eater that I am, I saw food as a reward, as a treat, as the most awesome part of a day. By replacing every meal with a shake, I'm forced to remember that it's not the food that should be celebrated, but the people I'm sharing the food with.
I feel like I'm rambling. Long story short, I chose the shakes because they're easy to make, relatively cheap, don't give me too many options (which can lead to cheats/backsliding), and are, ironically enough, boring enough to keep me hooked. They're convenient enough to bring with you places and are an easily calculated source to make sure you get all of your daily nutrition. Most importantly, they get the job done.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The When
So, how long do I plan on doing this? How long am I going to be eating shakes, working out, dieting? Forgive me for using a quite, but it's a really powerful line from one of my favorite movies from one of my favorite actors.
"You're not going anywhere, you thick lump. You stay until the job's done."
Did I just quote Brad Pitt on my supposedly serious diet blog, while simultaneously revealing him to be one of my favorite actors? You're damned right I did.
But yes, I plan to stick with this until I reach my goal. In a lot of ways, I'm always going to be on this diet; it's not about hitting a certain goal and then slowly ballooning back up to my current size. It's about a complete and total life restructuring, curbing my negative tendencies while replacing them with positive ones. Will I always be on the shakes? No. Will I always focus on being healthy enough to live a "normal", active life? Yes.
Now, if you're looking for some hard and fast dates, there are some specific events I'm hoping to slim down by.
Foremost on this list would be my cousin Cathy's wedding. She's been my closest and best friend since early childhood and she's finally getting married. It's going to be a huge shindig and she's invited me to be part of the wedding group. I want to look good, slim, proper and downright smooth in the wedding pictures. I'm not saying that heavyset people can't look good in their own bodies, but I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror that morning and know, confidently, that I've done my best to look suave for my cousin's big day. Whether I do that at 180 or 350 is irrelevant.
So, as for her big day:
Another goal is that this summer Archer's coming out and he's really excited to go to Disneyland. Now, you'd think this would eb nothing but good news, but at my size it's really nothing but... stress. I don't know if I'll fit in those rides, or if I'll have the energy to run around BOTH parks all day long. So, to that end, I'm trying to lose as much weight as possible and at the same time raise my energy levels to make sure my son has as much fun as possible that day. Last time I was on the shakes, I slimmed down enough to fit in the rides, and it was in roughly the same amount of time I'm going to have now.
"You're not going anywhere, you thick lump. You stay until the job's done."
Did I just quote Brad Pitt on my supposedly serious diet blog, while simultaneously revealing him to be one of my favorite actors? You're damned right I did.
But yes, I plan to stick with this until I reach my goal. In a lot of ways, I'm always going to be on this diet; it's not about hitting a certain goal and then slowly ballooning back up to my current size. It's about a complete and total life restructuring, curbing my negative tendencies while replacing them with positive ones. Will I always be on the shakes? No. Will I always focus on being healthy enough to live a "normal", active life? Yes.
Now, if you're looking for some hard and fast dates, there are some specific events I'm hoping to slim down by.
Foremost on this list would be my cousin Cathy's wedding. She's been my closest and best friend since early childhood and she's finally getting married. It's going to be a huge shindig and she's invited me to be part of the wedding group. I want to look good, slim, proper and downright smooth in the wedding pictures. I'm not saying that heavyset people can't look good in their own bodies, but I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror that morning and know, confidently, that I've done my best to look suave for my cousin's big day. Whether I do that at 180 or 350 is irrelevant.
So, as for her big day:
Another goal is that this summer Archer's coming out and he's really excited to go to Disneyland. Now, you'd think this would eb nothing but good news, but at my size it's really nothing but... stress. I don't know if I'll fit in those rides, or if I'll have the energy to run around BOTH parks all day long. So, to that end, I'm trying to lose as much weight as possible and at the same time raise my energy levels to make sure my son has as much fun as possible that day. Last time I was on the shakes, I slimmed down enough to fit in the rides, and it was in roughly the same amount of time I'm going to have now.
The Where
When I first did this diet program, I was working at Yahoo. My days were spent mostly on my own, running a tech-support desk where employees could bring their pc's to be fixed. This meant that the majority of my time was spent on my own without outside influence, without friends asking me to go to lunch, without the smell of co-workers' food wafting in the air.
Now, I'm sitting in a bay of fellow billing representatives and the inevitable daily lunch talk is inescapable. I'm on day two and it hasn't bothered me yet; luckily, my coworkers are also some of my best friends and they're highly supportive, so they've done their best to keep me free of food talk during thisdifficult vexing transition period. The daily lunch hour has been, up until yesterday, a very fun part of the day that gave us all a chance to chill without the ever-present eye of HR to censor our jokes. Now, I just... sit here, drink shakes and play WoW. Eventually I'll start walking/working out, but while my body's going through the transition of being shocked out of food, I'm just... sitting about.
Luckily, we're directly across from a beautiful lake/park that will be perfect for walks. Also, we've all the amenities I need here at the office: clean water, nearby bathrooms and multiple sinks to clean my shake tumblers. Also, I've nothing but support from my friends and co-workers, so I'm grateful for that.
At home, we live right next to a park for walks on days I have off, we... hmm, we need a new filter for our tap water and my roomies are very considerate (cruel, ribbing jokes aside, though that's just how we treat each other.) Luckily, they almost always eat out, so I won't have to deal with the temptation of freshly-cooked food wafting from the kitchen.
I honestly thought "The Where" would be the shortest of these posts, but so far it's the longest. XD
Now, I'm sitting in a bay of fellow billing representatives and the inevitable daily lunch talk is inescapable. I'm on day two and it hasn't bothered me yet; luckily, my coworkers are also some of my best friends and they're highly supportive, so they've done their best to keep me free of food talk during this
Luckily, we're directly across from a beautiful lake/park that will be perfect for walks. Also, we've all the amenities I need here at the office: clean water, nearby bathrooms and multiple sinks to clean my shake tumblers. Also, I've nothing but support from my friends and co-workers, so I'm grateful for that.
At home, we live right next to a park for walks on days I have off, we... hmm, we need a new filter for our tap water and my roomies are very considerate (cruel, ribbing jokes aside, though that's just how we treat each other.) Luckily, they almost always eat out, so I won't have to deal with the temptation of freshly-cooked food wafting from the kitchen.
I honestly thought "The Where" would be the shortest of these posts, but so far it's the longest. XD
The What
The goals of this endeavor are a little vague, partly on purpose and partly because coming to terms with such a grand undertaking is difficult. I feel an almost physical aversion from thinking about it too much, but then again, that's why I'm starting this blog. So, if I'm to quantify my goals/hopes into words, this would be what it'd look like:
1) To weigh ~200 lbs.
2) To be able to run a mile.
3) To be able to buy clothes at -any- clothing store.
4) To be able to sit at any chair in any restaurant.
5) To be able to walk somewhere without my thighs touching.
Whew. That was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be, and I already thought it'd be pretty damn difficult. Worse than coming to terms with what you have to do to lose weight, I find coming to terms with just how fat you truly are is more difficult.
I'm sure I'll come up with more goals as I progress, and I'll make sure I post them here.
1) To weigh ~200 lbs.
2) To be able to run a mile.
3) To be able to buy clothes at -any- clothing store.
4) To be able to sit at any chair in any restaurant.
5) To be able to walk somewhere without my thighs touching.
Whew. That was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be, and I already thought it'd be pretty damn difficult. Worse than coming to terms with what you have to do to lose weight, I find coming to terms with just how fat you truly are is more difficult.
I'm sure I'll come up with more goals as I progress, and I'll make sure I post them here.
The Who
As far as I can tell, I'm the only one doing this. Some co-workers and even Jody has mentioned interest in trying the shakes out as well, which is extremely flattering/inspiring. I know a lot of you said you're planning on going on diets on your own, so I wish you all the best in your own endeavors. Hopefully this blog can help you along, if not through direct inspiration than at least through indirect guilt.
You'll notice I'll make a lot of references to Spiral Power, Breaking Through The Impossible and whatnot. Whenever I do this, it's... well, it's from a cartoon I'm a huge fan of. ^_^* It can be taken as nothing more than a light-hearted anime about giant robots, but there's an underlying message that I really connected with and, to be honest, it really helped me through my first attempt at this shake diet. I'm hoping that it will also help guide me through this 2nd (and, ideally, final) attempt.
Row row, fight the powah.
You'll notice I'll make a lot of references to Spiral Power, Breaking Through The Impossible and whatnot. Whenever I do this, it's... well, it's from a cartoon I'm a huge fan of. ^_^* It can be taken as nothing more than a light-hearted anime about giant robots, but there's an underlying message that I really connected with and, to be honest, it really helped me through my first attempt at this shake diet. I'm hoping that it will also help guide me through this 2nd (and, ideally, final) attempt.
Row row, fight the powah.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The Particulars
I've been getting asked a lot of questions about the details on this diet. Questions have ranged from innocent to condescending, from fascinated to awkwardly disgusted. I figured I might as well answer some of the basic questions here, if not for everyone else's sake than for my own so that I might have a script to refer to next time someone asks me. If you've any questions of your own, please feel free to ask.
Today's project: The Who, What, Where, When, Why and How of this weight loss plan.
Today's project: The Who, What, Where, When, Why and How of this weight loss plan.
The Journey of a Million Miles Begins with but a Single Sip.
Last night, while sitting around the living room with some friends, I idly watched the clock as it inched closer to midnight. The numbers blinked to 11:58 PM and I took a bite of Papa John's Hearty Italian pizza. I chewed it slowly, savoring each flavor, enjoying the sharp tang of the pizza sauce, grinding my teeth just a little harder than necessary into the meat. At 11:59 PM, I took a deep drink of cherry soda, and it ran quickly past my tongue to sizzle and fizzle deep in my gut. I eyed the clock nervously and took another deep sip within the moment, resisting the urge to down the whole cup (though just barely). I eyed the clock.
The clock blinked over to 12:00 AM, and I set the cup down.
That pizza and soda will prove to be the last physical meal I have in a long time.
Presumably, if you're reading this you already know who I am and why I'm dieting. You were interested enough to add me in the first place, as I plan to keep this blog Private from the public eye, so why wouldn't you already know everything I'm about to write? For sanity's wistful sake, however, permit me to be a little plain.
My name's Jonathan Cordero. I'm 27 years old, Filipino and work in the billing department of Perfect World Entertainment, a video game company in Foster City, California. I have a son named Archer who is now 8 years old, and though he's constantly on my mind and the main motivation of my life, he resides with his mother in Pennsylvania. I currently live with my good friend Jody and a foreign-exchange student from China who is studying Computer Science here.
I'm also morbidly obese, and weight somewhere around 430 lbs, I think.
Which brings us to the real reason we're all here: I've spent the majority of my life at this ungainly size. This has led to a number of missed opportunities, guilty disappointments, a litany of mental conditions and a messy, sloppy life full of repressed depression and subconsciously suicidal tendencies.
Needless to say, this has to stop.
Today, I begin a shake fasting diet designed to safely carry someone on 1000 calories a day via these protein shakes that provide all of one's daily nutrients and vitamins. I've tried this before and lost about 100 lbs. in about 6 months, coupled with exercise and strict dedication. This diet includes a 100% meal replacement, meaning I will not be eating anything but these shakes and some specifically designed "safe foods" that don't lead to weight gain if eaten in moderate amounts.
Pretty drastic, eh? I don't think asking why is very necessary, but permit me to list a few reasons why I'm doing this:
1) For my health, and the ability to live longer while (hopefully) liking myself.
2) For Archer, so that I can chase him around, be there for him in case of an emergency, and just play with him without getting tired.
3) For my friends and family, so they don't have to dodge around doing certain activities or going to certain places because they know it'd be difficult for me.
4) For my career, as I hope to one day branch out into a department where I can use my charisma to its fullest via marketing or public relations. Unfortunately, with society being the way it is, we all know that presentation is half of the game.
I'm sure there are plenty more reasons, and through the many months to come I plan to delve into every single one of them. This will not be a blog that will be easy to read, as I plan to be very blunt and direct with emotions I've never really revealed to anyone, save for a few people. There will be very ugly, heavy posts wherein I try to exorcise the demons that a life of self-loathing can build.
But!
You guys know me, and know that I keep things positive. There will be plenty of motivation, inspiration, celebrating accomplishments and Spiral Power.
*Raises a shaker-tumbler full of vanilla shake.*
Cheers!
The clock blinked over to 12:00 AM, and I set the cup down.
That pizza and soda will prove to be the last physical meal I have in a long time.
Presumably, if you're reading this you already know who I am and why I'm dieting. You were interested enough to add me in the first place, as I plan to keep this blog Private from the public eye, so why wouldn't you already know everything I'm about to write? For sanity's wistful sake, however, permit me to be a little plain.
My name's Jonathan Cordero. I'm 27 years old, Filipino and work in the billing department of Perfect World Entertainment, a video game company in Foster City, California. I have a son named Archer who is now 8 years old, and though he's constantly on my mind and the main motivation of my life, he resides with his mother in Pennsylvania. I currently live with my good friend Jody and a foreign-exchange student from China who is studying Computer Science here.
I'm also morbidly obese, and weight somewhere around 430 lbs, I think.
Which brings us to the real reason we're all here: I've spent the majority of my life at this ungainly size. This has led to a number of missed opportunities, guilty disappointments, a litany of mental conditions and a messy, sloppy life full of repressed depression and subconsciously suicidal tendencies.
Needless to say, this has to stop.
Today, I begin a shake fasting diet designed to safely carry someone on 1000 calories a day via these protein shakes that provide all of one's daily nutrients and vitamins. I've tried this before and lost about 100 lbs. in about 6 months, coupled with exercise and strict dedication. This diet includes a 100% meal replacement, meaning I will not be eating anything but these shakes and some specifically designed "safe foods" that don't lead to weight gain if eaten in moderate amounts.
Pretty drastic, eh? I don't think asking why is very necessary, but permit me to list a few reasons why I'm doing this:
1) For my health, and the ability to live longer while (hopefully) liking myself.
2) For Archer, so that I can chase him around, be there for him in case of an emergency, and just play with him without getting tired.
3) For my friends and family, so they don't have to dodge around doing certain activities or going to certain places because they know it'd be difficult for me.
4) For my career, as I hope to one day branch out into a department where I can use my charisma to its fullest via marketing or public relations. Unfortunately, with society being the way it is, we all know that presentation is half of the game.
I'm sure there are plenty more reasons, and through the many months to come I plan to delve into every single one of them. This will not be a blog that will be easy to read, as I plan to be very blunt and direct with emotions I've never really revealed to anyone, save for a few people. There will be very ugly, heavy posts wherein I try to exorcise the demons that a life of self-loathing can build.
But!
You guys know me, and know that I keep things positive. There will be plenty of motivation, inspiration, celebrating accomplishments and Spiral Power.
*Raises a shaker-tumbler full of vanilla shake.*
Cheers!
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